Rant

 ok, so I need to purge. or,  i will explode. and, we know that doesn't go over well.

ugh. I am so grouchy, and it is my very spoiled children, who appreciate nothing.  and, never say thank you.  and, expect and expect and if one of them ever paid me back for something that they say they will pay be back for, I may fall over on the floor dead from surprise. 

examples: 

rides. all hours of the day and night. no please, no thank you. only, are you ready yet?! 

money.  sign me up for this; $100. Register me for this; $100. register me for usu; $200. pay my downpayment for housing; $500. car insurance. health insurance. phones. 

"Oh, and can you stop and buy me a swimmy for this class (because although I have 5 bikinis that are new this year), I need a one piece for this class today. "

"Can I borrow all your cash ($60) because the dance doesn't take cards." But don't worry, we went to lagoon for our date.

$1000 flights.

Pay for Lagoon

$2000 trip for graduation, but "can you buy me new headphones for graduation, they are only $300, when originally they are $600" which this is pair 3? or 4? because I'm still on my $14 ones from walmart, which is the only pair I've ever owned because even the ones that have come with my phones were stolen from these people.

Oh, but let me spend money on a Coors tshirt.

and 

"can you buy rice cauliflower for me" and these "16 vitamins" and "I'll just eat this chicken breast for a snack." and "oh, I am spoze to share this whole carton of strawberries?' And, yes, Mothers day is tomorrow, "you can have the left overs from this bouquet you made the corsage from." Oh, and I bought this really great $40 sweater for me, and this $10 gift for mothers day from me and the little boys, but the little boys gave me the money."

Here's the thing. If there was one effing ounce of appreciation. and it wasn't expected with a courtesy eye rolls. 

I had 1, 1 swimsuit all through high school. 

I paid my own way on EVERYTHING, and always said thank you. 

3 weeks ago I broke down and sobbed and said the f word and really actually wanted to not live anymore. I figured that they would do better with my life insurance policy pay out than with me. It doesn't do any good tho, to cry or say the f word. Because then they are scared of me and think I am weak, and don't talk to me and just leave. They are actually very very thoughtless. Skye gave them a challenge to do more. lists, chores, dinner nights. Ha. Ha, fucking ha. Carson did one night. Creeden one night. That's it. That's all. I actually may not really like any of these people I gave birth to. I give and give and try and try and I get shit on All Day Long. I am so over it.