Cry Pretty - Carrie Underwood

I'm sorry, but I'm just a girl / Not usually the kind to show my heart to the world / I'm pretty good at keeping it together / I hold my composure, for worse or for better / So I apologize if you don't like what you see / But sometimes my emotions get the best of me / And falling apart is as human as it gets / You can't hide it, you can't fight what the truth

You can pretty lie and say it's okay / You can pretty smile and just walk away / Pretty much fake your way through anything / But you can't cry pretty

Oh no, you can’t dress it up in lace or rhinestones / Don't matter if you're in a crowd or home all alone / Yeah, it's all the same when you're looking in the mirror / A picture of pain, so let it flow like a river

You can pretty lie and say it's okay / You can pretty smile and just walk away / Pretty much fake your way through anything / But you can't cry pretty

You can't turn off the flood when the dam breaks / When all your mascara is going to waste / When things get ugly, you just gotta face / That you can't cry pretty

           You can't turn off the flood when the dam breaks / When all your mascara is going to waste / When things get ugly, you just gotta face / That you can't cry prettyYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / No, you can't cry / No, you can't cry / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, woo / You can't cry / You can't cry pretty, baby / Oh yeah, woo, woo / No, you can't cry pretty, yeah

Joy

I have been in a mind quandary about something.
Joy.
I wonder if people really have Joy, or are Joyful, or know that feeling all of the time.
Or,
I wonder if instead people are faking it.
I kinda was thinking the later.
I think people are on auto pilot, and as part of the auto is the smile, not sparked by Joy.
But, guess what, I had a little bit of a break through in my hope for human kind.
or maybe, EmilyKind.
I am definitely in auto pilot. Get up, breakfast, lunches, kids out the door, Canyon homework time, paperwork, clean, ready, daycare, work, daycare, clean up, dinner, practices, games, scriptures, bed. Be happy, be interested, be auto pilot.
But last night at the end of that auto pilot there was a little crack into actual happy enjoyment. It was 8:30 p.m. and Carsons game in blackfoot was just getting started. No wind, no rain, no snow. By ten, he had hit a home run, and by 10:15, scored the running in. We hit Wendy's and got frosty's with the absolute best fries I've had in decades. Then for the next hour drive home, we dipped those salty, crispy fries in the frosty, and celebrated! It was pure Joy! The night I was anxious about because of the lateness, the drive, the cold, ended up to be one of the most favorite things I've done in awhile. So yes, there is bits of true Joy amongst the auto pilot.
Is it because I am mormon? Or because I am a mom? Or because I am the daughter of Vicki. Why do I feel this drive that life is supposed to be good  all the time. That Joy is supposed to ooze from us. That's not realistic is it? Why do we feel the pressure of that? I don't know. But, the better thing to know is that there are bits of Joy to be found, and that I don't have to run around feeling like I'm failing because Joy isn't found in the monotony of autopilot.
So there. That's all.

Box Elder Country Justice Court

 I understand, that my writing this will probably do nothing for my case, but I do want to plead my case. I know that in theory, I could come and plead in court, but not reality. I live in Idaho. I don’t have the time, nor the means. So yes, this is just for my benefit in writing this out. Will anybody else read this? probably not, but at least I will get my words out. I was traveling home yesterday. 5 hours into my drive, with 3 little kids in crappy fast traffic. My husband is at Norfolk Naval Base in a training that is kicking his trash, and I am left to manage the remains of our family on my own.  My daughter had a dance competition in St George, that was mandatory. Did I want to go? Hell no. Can I afford to drive 8 hours one way to do dance. No. Do I have any desire to do so? no. But, I am freaking trying to be a good mom.  The officer said I was going 91. He said, “the gal ahead of you was 87, and I let her slide, but then you were right behind her.” I did not think I was going 91. I did think I was trying to navigate traffic safely and get out of the way of those utah drivers. He cited me  for going 80 in a 75, and I now am to pay $120. I actually have had a good break down and sob. First time since my husband left. I guess it’s the straw on the camels back. I will pay the fine on my credit card that is $300 from its limit. I will go to work today as a social worker and remember that people have a story. I know that there are laws to protect us. I know that the police officer was doing his job. I did not and will not talk bad about the police to my kids. But, I now have to figure out a stupid extra $120. Life is really hard. 

Thanks for you time. I do not want a response.

Emily Petersen