Tin therapy

- To the girl who told me me that my hair grows, and that it's all in my head that it doesn't,
No, it doesn't. It's been 2 1/2 months since i cut it last, and guess what, it has NOT grown. I hate what you did to my paranoid mind. Thanks for making me question that.

-I watched a kiss happen  on tv, and realized I am broken.

-picture perfect health. then what the hell is going on?

-There are people who make my life harder. Daily. Am I that person to anyone?

more tin time...

-My very own farmers market, in MY BACK YARD! All for FREE!!!

-"I'm going to bed, because I'm tired and you are bugging me, and I am too tired to try and filter my mouth, and I am going to keep saying you are bugging me, because I am so tired."

-The humidity is gone. My elbows are cracking.

-I bought new PINK, yes, the color Pink shoes. AND I LOVE THEM!!

-After living with 2 sweatshirts, and 2 pairs of shorts all summer, I feel a little glutenous. Although, I guess it can be noted that I did also have 6 swimsuits that I sort of lived in.

-$11,250 in car repairs this year
 Escalade  
 $5,000 on a transmission
 $3,000 on suspension
 $500 on cv joints
 $250 on tires

 Passat
 $250 on tires
 $1250 on front end
 $500 on cv joints
 $500 stearing
Disgusting.

-Oh, and remember the medicine ball vs mirror episode. $750.

-I am working on my hugging skills. I found out that my bubble issues have made me a bad hugger. I am Wayne incarnate. But, I doubt our triggers that created our outcome where the same. But I am hugging with both arms when possible, and not patting the back. Good huh? Ya, Skye and Amy are helped me realize my ineptness in this area.

-Bubble issues. Whatever. Everybody has issues. Mine just happen to have to deal with bubbles.

To Heal.

I guess I am on a new quest.
A cut eventually heals itself.
A burn? The same.
Skin wounds. I guess they all have some sort of capability to heal, to reconnect the cells, the binding material.
Bones. I suppose the can heal themselves, again, reattaching.
Time. Give them time, and things can get better.  Bandages, salve, stitches, casts.
But, neither skin nor bone can do it without a scar, a mark, an evidence to the harm done.
So how do emotions heal.
What is the bandage or salve? What is the stitch or cast?

Forgotten

One of the worst feelings in life is when you feel like you've been forgotten.
Sure, we will be forgotten by the cashier, by teachers, by landlords, and maybe even people you work with. But when there was a significant time, energy, emotion invested, involved, filed into our memories or heart- thats when the forgetting becomes personal.
We live In a world where forgetting is not easy. It is deliberate. Where you open Instagram, or Facebook, and there is a pictures of your once "people" - and there is a deliberate avoidance to engage. What is that? Why.

Why do people make a point to prove I am forgotten. 

Delicious Sunshine

Bikini lines

Sand in the sheets

No sandal lines on the feet

Beach towels And Bath towels

Sunglasses

be strong

In the prayer that says,
bless emily to 'be strong'
i want to say, stop, stop it.
I am so sick of being the strong one.
I don't want to be the strong one.
I am so sick of carrying it all.
I don't want to carry the mattress.

I don't feel good.

I am back to where I was 35 days ago.

I don't feel good. 

I can't decide if it's physical because of my mental, or mental because of my physical. 

I am not lying when I said it.