the drive.

cloudy

 pain

mental

not physical

control

loss further deeper

disconnect

push into hate

numb

Things I'm Learning. Or, may it's just my January Rant.

-My religiosity doesn't equal my worth. 

-That I'd rather be honest and be judged by hypocrites, than be a hypocrite. 

-I had a dream that a me split off of me (she was a glowy beautiful me) and saw me, and wanted to be my friend.

-I don't have to be invisible.

-I don't have to be nice for decades with no return. There may be a little too much enmeshment and it ok to set boundaries. That being said, NOBODY beside Amy asked how Carson or us were in the past year and a half. F them. 

-Golden handcuffs.

-I am not a huge night person, even less of a morning person. I am mostly a sleep person.

-A cold Virginia helped it not be such a dream.

-I feel very strongly against Zac and Stacie. They stole Cody's idea and pushed him out. 

-I am not a fan of people who do not follow through with texting me back, or getting me an answer when they say they will... i.e. probation officers, travel agents.

-I have covid again, or omicron, or whatever the severe cold is. 

-Nobody besides Amy and Cody have told me I look good after working for a year to loose weight and gain muscle.

-I am not a fan of liars. I.e. "She's miserable. She can just fake it really well like me." "I think you misunderstood me."

-I physically felt pain when we found out Carson they were saying more months of probation for Carson. 

-I would rather not be assigned ministering sisters. I have not had anyone from church pay be any attention except for "did you do your calling?" FOR YEARS!!  It hurts my heart that even people who are 'assigned to be my friend,' have never even talked to me. 

-And with the whole ministering.... being a one sided friend is exhausting. 

-I actually have no friends besides Amy. 

Man, I must be sick. 

the big things of 21

 In no particular order:

Fed Ex-

-Fed Ex in, Fed Ex out, Fed Ex trip to Nashville, Zac and Stacie just taking it over. 

My work-

Nothing really new... One client die from covid 

Cody's work- 

-Paid  $6000 back from when he was sick with Covid

-Was ready to quit, go to Fed Ex. But, settled in for the long haul.

Our House-

-Redid our bedroom, carpet and bedspread

-Pillows obsession

Pigs-

-Horrible experience

Trips-

-Logan ski trip

-Virginia for Codys birthday surprise

-Lewiston for football

-Glacier National Park

-BYU game for me

-Sisters Reunion

Skye-

-Blake, West Yellowstone again, Para at Burton

Carson-

-JV football, Leishman Electric, Harvest, Rays carwash, Cait

Daisy-

-Pig, Carol, Cheer, 

Creeden-

-Pig, golf balls, football, baseball (pitching), 

Canyon-

-soccer, flag football, golf balls, 

Cody-

- Put in new lights in the kitchen and family room, Felt sick most of the year, Tried fed ex

Me-

-Worked out 3-6 days a week. Lost 10 lbs. Read a lot of books. Did therapy.