The door.

 It happened. I wasn't here. Cody had to answer the door. At least that trauma is over. That part of the waiting. But now?

people who don't judge.

 You know when things happen in life and everything breaks down; your brain, you heart, your emotions? And then you need to just hear what you are supposed to do, and have some direction, and some love? Who do you go to?  Who is it that you tell, I am 100% broke, I can't do this anymore, I have nothing left. It's interesting the people that step up and in. It's interesting the people who step out. "I'm booked, have a waiting list because I'm so popular, try ---so and so---." Actual quote. Don't worry, I won't ever effing ask again.

 It's curious what people judge, vs what they don't judge. And, who wants to know to help, or who wants to know to spread the word. It's really if my drama effects them. Super weird that right now, people are stepping out because of how our latest of sickness could effect them. 

The world is a weird place. 

And, who are the people who can keep dealing with blows. Kids in trouble. Police, Lawyers. Sickness. How do they keep going? Is that why they tune out? How are people ever old enough, or stable enough, or strong enough to keeeeep going? 

How do I do this 3 more times. 

Did you know I hate when someone knocks on my door. It's Ptsd. 

Corona. She's a B*tch.

She thinks she can just shut down the world. Stop travel. Stop going out. Stop wearing lip gloss. Stop shaking hands. Stop my energy level. Stop Cody from getting up. Stop Skye from coming in the house. Stop my kids from school. Stop Carson and Creeden from football. Stop Daisy from cheer. Stop Canyon from Soccer. However, she doesn't stop me from having dishes, and work, and meals, and taking care of everything else.  I'm living in a cesspool of corona nasty.